Sunday, January 14, 2024

Avatar: The Last Mug Maker

"Man, why does my stomach hurt and I suddenly feel tired!" I said, sitting down and holding my midsection. This feeling has happened more and more lately, mut it only started a few months ago, before Christmas. The feeling will last a couple hours and go away like it never happened I asked my doctor about it, but she didn't have an explanation handy. She told me to keep data and maybe a pattern would emerge. So, I've been keeping a spreadsheet. It's happened almost every morning since the day after Christmas.

A few days later, I was out with my girlfriend when she started talking about her mornings, "I feel like I'm getting lazier in the mornings. I wonder if there's something wrong with me." 

"Maybe it's something we both ate because I feel really tired and my stomach hurts a lot of mornings," I replied.

"Have you talked to your doctor?" she asked. 

"Yes, I'm keeping track, " I replied.

We arrived back at her house and I followed her in. "Oh, look what Callie gave me for Christmas." She held up a coffee mug with my face on it.

"Why the hell would she give you that ?"

"I think it's funny, and cute, "she replied. 

I chuckled at the mug, "Where did she get that?" 

"She made it herself," she said. "That the type of stuff she does." My girlfriend paused, looked at the mug and then looked back at me. "Holy shit, she also dabbles in witchcraft. I think she made you an avatar on this mug." 

"Uh, what ? " I was hearing words, but I wasn't really following.

"I explains why, in the morning, I just want to sit and drink my coffee and do the crossword. That's what you do. I'm stealing your power." She looked excited 

"Uh, what? " I was following what she was saying, but I wasn't buying it. "You're talking about magic and that's just the stuff of fantasy. It isn't real." I was trying to remain cool. "Anyway, It doesn't explain why I feel sick in the morning. I'm certainly not pregnant. 

"Sure it does. When I take your power, you lose it and it makes you feel sick." 

"OK, I'll play along, how do we stop this from happening? " I asked. 

"If I don't use the mug, I won't steal your power But I like the mug even more now that I know it's haunted." Her cat jumped up on the kitchen counter and knocked the mug to the floor and I lived happily ever after.

Prompt: You are an avatar on a haunted object. You do not know it. How do you find out and what is the object?

Thursday, January 11, 2024

A Trebuchet On My Front Lawn

Prompt: You wake up and find a trebuchet on your lawn. There is no note. Who gave it to you, how, why, and what do you do with it?

The phone rang dragging me out of wonderful dream in which the blood of my enemies filled my bathtub. "Damn, I said, answering the phone, "Hello?"

"You're gonna want to see this. There's a catapult in your front, yard." It was my neighbor.

"What ? A catapult ? Why?" I asked rhetorically, "Hold on," I got up, put on my sweatpants and T-shirt an walked to the front door. I looked out the window through my still bleary eyes, "That's a trebuchet, not a catapult, "I said and hung up the phone.

I shuffled to the kitchen to make coffee still thinking about how silly it is that people can't tell the difference between a catapult and trebuchet. I chuckled to myself as I sat on the couch sipping my coffee and working on the morning crossword.

I picked up my coffee cup, but a sudden and jarring thought occurred to me, "Why is there a trebuchet on my front lawn?" I jumped up from the couch and ran to the front door, looking out, "Yep. It's a trebuchet."

I walked out the door to get a closer look. It was pretty solidly built, but there was no note, no packing list, and not even a shipping label. Who sent it? Did I order it by mistake? I did just order a new replacement belt for a whirlpool clothes dryer, maybe there was a mix-up.

As I stood there admiring the construction, the head of the homeowners association stomped towards me carrying a thick binder, "What the hell is this catapult doing here?! You are in violation of our bylaws!"  

"Listen, I ca- "I stopped and looked at the binder and then said, "Wait, you actually have a rule, in print, outlawing catapults?

"Every HOA does, it prevents land wars."

"Huh," I said, "well this is trebuchet. Are there any rules against those?"

The head of HOA just stared a hole through me for ten seconds, looked down at the binder and shouted, "Damn it!"  

I watched as he stormed off and then looked back at my trebuchet. "Now, where did you come from?
Just then my phone pinged, my girlfriend sent me a

GF: "Did you get my present ?"
ME: "You mean the trebuchet?"
GF: "yes"
ME: "Yes, but why?"
GF: "Because I thought it would come in handy"
ME: "For what?"
GF: "Taking down the HOA and their bylaws."
ME: "I love you."

Tuesday, January 9, 2024

Driving To The Voices In My Head

Prompt: Imagine that when you yell at other drivers, they can hear you and communicate back. How would that change now you drive and what you say?

I heard the voice say, "Move it pokey," as drove to work onemorning. I have no idea where it came from since I was alone in the car and  I don't recall ever hearing that phrase uttered on Pink Floyd's Wish You Were Here. Was I cracking up ?

As I continued on, a pick up truck blasted by me, obviously wanting to be in front of me and veering wildly from one lane to the next with the precision of an Abrams Tank. "Nice driving, Jerkass!" I said to the now-distant tail lights.

"You should have stepped on the gas a little bit harder," another disembodied voice said.

"Ok, I'm going crazy," I said to the empty passenger seat.

"Nah," a different voice said, "new highway technology. Now you can hear people and respond when they insult you."

"I didn't insult you; I just asked a question," I said, suddenly realizing I was talking to no one and also driving seventy miles per hour on the freeway.

"Oh, I'm information. I let you know that this is happening. "

"Is there a way to opt-out?" I asked, obviously wanting no part of this lunacy.

"Oh sure, it's simple, "the voice said in an either jovial or sarcastic tone, "just shut-up. and drive."

"Gee thanks"


From that moment on, I looked straight ahead and said nothing. I still near voices every so often and do what they say or move over.

Monday, January 8, 2024

Happy New Year 2024

 I know, I'm a week late wishing you all a Happy New Year. I've been busy. Anyway, as a sorta kinda New Year's resolution, I've decided to start writing more. I'm not talking about just posting, I mean actually hand writing my posts before I put them on the interwebs. I have a notebook that can handle this task and it just takes a little bit of editing after it's uploaded. Prior to this, my day-to-day writing has been relegated to short phrases and part numbers on repair forms. I want to write more.

I have enlisted the help of my lovely and talented girlfriend to provide my writing prompts which I will use to...well...write. The next post will be the first writing prompt and my results. That, along with my other blog, should get my handwriting skills back up to speed in no time.

I hope you enjoy, and if you feel like it, use the prompts on your own site of choosing.