A Letter to Santa (Classic)

I have decided to repost something that I wrote back in 2006. Yes, I reposted this back when Swamp Gas & Moonlit Reflections was hosted on Wordpress back in 2008. So, it's been four years. Remember that I wrote this back when I hosted my own blog called Alien's Planet. (Psst, Alien's Planet still exists).

Letter to Santa
by AlienCG
December 26, 2006 
Dear Santa,
I am writing you regarding your trip to my house early on December 25. I was somewhat pleased with the gifts left under the tree and in my stocking, but you forgot the 20lb. of Uranium-based spaceship fuel and the Dustbuster vacuum cleaner. Other than that, I was happy with the remainder of the presents. However, I was left with quite a mess. Apparently, you know everything except where the broom is in my house. There were cookie crumbs and drops of milk on my hardwood floors. Do you know how much work it is to clean dried milk off of oak floorboards? Also, do you know what a coaster is? There was one under the glass of milk, but you set the glass on my antique coffee table. I did not appreciate you breaking that ornament either, it was a family heirloom. This is only half of it, there were more problems outside. Thanks to your decision to still use a sleigh and reindeer, even though it's the 21st century, my roof has taken a ton of damage and will have to be replaced. There are shingles missing and it's leaking into my attic when the snow melts. There's also the matter of the smell. I don't know what you feed those animals, but the whole neighborhood now has a lingering aroma of reindeer shit. Tell me, do you have a 55 gallon drum of Lysol in your sack? Within the next week, you will be receiving a bill for repairs and cleaning costs. I suggest you pay it. The insurance company refuses to pay for damages incurred due to a fat, imaginary elf. If I do not receive a reply by Easter, I will be contacting my attorney and I will take you to court.
Merry Christmas,
Alien Coffeeground

I think this one still holds up after six years. Merry Christmas and all that stuff my friends. Ho Ho Ho.