Here's another one of my fun posts that was done late at night more than four years ago. This time around, I was taking a humorous look at spam. This was another popular post so long ago. Enjoy it.
No Problem With Spam
October 13, 2004
I keep hearing the same old arguments about Spam and how bad the situation is becoming, but I wouldn't know because I haven't had this problem. I get lots of e-mail, all of it good stuff, including messages from friends and family asking how I'm doing. Sometimes they send me free software that puts a little, purple gorilla on my screen that acts so silly, it's so nice that they give me these gifts and then try to act like they didn't know they sent it. I get e-mail from other people too, but there is nothing bad about any of it. Just the other day, I had a really good day and it kept getting better as it went along.
I opened my e-mail program and lo and behold, there were a ton of messages from many different people. Five of them were relatives of world leaders that wanted to give me money, lots of it! I immediately sent my banking information to them so that they could transfer the money into my account like they say they are going to do. Just think, in a matter of days I will be rolling in dough, and it's all for free. This was only the beginning of my luck, it was sure to get better.
I had twelve mesaages from twelve different women who were lonely and hot for me (I guess they heard about my millions of dollars). When I opened each message and looked at the pictures they enclosed, they didn't appear to be too lonely. I went to their private sites and paid the $2.95/mo. charges so that I could see more of them and now, according to the messages on the screen, they want me. Now I have a date with each of these women, I hope they call me soon. The Internet is really a great tool, it seems to know a great deal about me.
Upon opening a few more messages I found that they have new pills for penis enlargement, which will come in handy for my new found girlfriends. There was another for more sustained erections, which could come in equally as handy. I decided that I need about a year's supply worth, thank goodness I'm getting a lot of money.
Two of my credit cards seemed to have problems, according to the next messages, and I had to send them my account number and expiration date for both cards. Well, this is certainly thoughtful of them to let me know, I just used my card to order those pills and I don't want anything to slow down delivery. I sent the required information to them and, hopefully, they will have the situation fixed. The same thing also happened with my bank and I sent them my account number so that my millions could make it into my account as soon as possible. I sent an additional message with each e-mail telling them to hurry up and get this done, ASAP. That'll show 'em who's boss.
I found out that I won a Canadian lottery and my prize is a brand new car. This is truly my lucky day and all I have to do is mail them a check for $750 in order to pay for the transfer costs. I don't remember ever entering a lottery in Canada, but hey, I won. Those women will really be impressed when I pick them up in my new wheels.
I feel like the luckiest guy in the world. I hear people complain about the amount of Spam in their inboxes, but I can't relate. I have had e-mail for years and never received even one can of Spam. It would be nice, I never tried it and would really like a free sample.
I hope you enjoyed this one as much as I enjoyed writing it. I may have a few more of these in the tank from The Game Board and Alien's Planet days. Thanks for coming by.