An Open Letter to the Candidates

Dear Sens. McCain, Obama, Biden and Gov. Palin,

By this time you may all realize that you are all running for the highest and second-highest offices in this country.  That's great.  This will be a history-making election no matter what the outcome.  When all is said and done, we will either have the first black president or the first female vice-president.  Isn't this a great time to be alive?

NO.

Apparently, this is also going to be the first year that we have a president who acts like a 5-year-old.  What?  None of you got the memo that you're supposed to act like adults?  When you get into office and some country calls you a paper tiger or an infidel, what are you going to do?  Are you going to cry to mommy that the bad man is calling you names?  I have a good idea...GROW THE F*** UP!  I'm tired of this shit already.  Is it any wonder why I am not voting for president this year?  None of you know how to behave yourselves.  You're calling each other names, crying to anyone who'll listen and probably crossing that imaginary line in the back seat of the car (don't make me pull over).  We can't take you children anywhere.  You have decided to suspend your smear attacks for today (9/11),  but of course you'll be making up for that tomorrow.  Do us a favor...don't.

Sincerely,

Alien Coffeeground (and probably plenty of others)

PS--If this petty bickering continues, I will have no choice but to punish all of you and make you stay in your rooms and go to bed without supper.